Do I really have to wait??

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 “I’m dating this girl and we want to get engaged really soon (i.e.- tomorrow, latest next week). I figured we should do that ‘genetic testing thing’. Do you think we need to wait to get engaged until after the results come back?”

I get this question ALL THE TIME. The truth is, it depends. It depends on you, and how this information might be useful for you.

If you want your results strictly for informative purposes, i.e.- you’re going to get married no matter what, even if you are both carriers of the same genetic disease and have a 25% chance in each pregnancy to have an affected child, then no- you don’t have to wait to get engaged. There absolutely are options out there that can help you have a healthy family. I would still recommend undergoing testing sooner rather than later, because it may be useful to know what you’re getting into and begin learning about and speaking with your partner about your options before you both consider a pregnancy.

HOWEVER, if you might not continue the relationship if you and your partner are both carriers of the same condition and are at risk to have an affected child, then you absolutely should wait to get engaged. These genetic testing results could identify that you and your partner are at risk to have an affected child.  After all, that’s why we do the testing to begin with. If I could tell by looking at you that you weren’t a carrier then this whole “genetic testing thing” would be a bit redundant. It is never easy to end a relationship; however it is definitely easier, and less traumatic to break up a relationship prior to getting engaged as opposed to afterwards.

Unfortunately, many people wait until the very last moment to have Ashkenazi Jewish carrier screening, as a “just in case” sort of check, and they expect (and hope) that the results will be normal. About 1 in 100 (1%) couples of Ashkenazi Jewish descent are both carriers of the same genetic disease. As far as I’m concerned, testing should definitely be done before a pregnancy, but past that, you have some leeway in terms of when you’d like the testing to be done.

Personally, I did this testing before I even met my husband. I wasn’t even dating anyone at the time. I just felt that the information would eventually be useful, and I wanted it to be there, ready and waiting for me when I needed it. Genetic testing results are different than other types of blood tests as the results do not change. Once you’ve had the testing, those results are yours and do not change from year to year. However, you should update your testing as new disorders are added to the panel over time.

Posted on September 28, 2012, in Chani's posts and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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